surfin teh webs

Narwahlz' Notes

journal of a gamer, updated randomly

(no subject)
surfin teh webs
narwahlz

I had this intensely powerful dream last night - it was incredibly realistic, and I was worried at first, because that usually means I'm about to have a nightmare, but even though it was really sad, it wasn't a bad dream.

I followed the life of a young man, from childhood to almost college-aged, who identified as a woman from day one. He loved one of his childhood friends, but was afraid to tell him, and then his friend moved away. As the boy got older, it became more and more obvious how he felt about himself, and I watched as he was beaten, ostracized, and threatened; he just kept going, believing he was a good person and his path to becoming a woman was right. He also tried to find his friend's father (I don't know why - my dream skipped over that part), because he knew it was important to the boy he loved. His first love comes back, and finds out, and the young man I was following had admitted how he felt and what he wanted, but I woke up before the first love answered. I want to believe he loved the young man who wanted to be a woman, and that everything worked out.

The details are fading, but I remember experiencing everything with this kid, and he couldn't hear or see me. I laughed with him, cried with him, wanted desperately for him to hear me when he was at his lowest, cheering like an idiot when he was happy.

To my knowledge, I have no one who has issues identifying with their gender - but that dream was so emotional, so real, I almost believe he's really out there, patiently waiting for his sweetheart. If he is, I feel like I'll turn a corner one day and run into him, and he'll wonder why this weird fat chick is bear-hugging him. Or maybe he'll know, and hug me back.

I'm sorry - I just HAD to put this out there. It really affected me.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tags:

More Adventures In Felt! Or, "How I Finally Figured Out LJ Cut!"
surfin teh webs
narwahlz

I'm working on a set of Avatar: The Last Airbender toys for my niece - I think they'll look a lot better in other fabrics, but I think it's not a bad rough draft, don't you?

Appa! Yip yip!Collapse )

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tags:

Christmas Time!!!
surfin teh webs
narwahlz

I'm so excited, you guys - I just finished my sister and brother-in-law's crafted half of their Christmas presents! Check it out!

Read more...Collapse )


Have a geeky nerdy Christmas, everyone!

Edit: She TOTALLY loved it - as soon as she saw it, she started singing the Neverending Story theme and yelling "Atreyu!" Her husband was also really excited about his mat, so, I think it was a good job!

Thanks for all the positive comments, everyone!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tags:

Unwelcome surprises
surfin teh webs
narwahlz
My mom told me a few months ago that she wanted to go visit my Grandad in Michigan - he's in his mid to late 80's, had a few heart attacks, and when we saw him at my wedding he looked really frail. So I agreed to drive her if she could rent a car (cause let's face it, Foamy will NOT drive from Akron OH to Niles MI without needing to be resuscitated). We worked out the car and a cheap (but nice) hotel and I've taken this week off of work so we can spend the whole week with him and Wanda. It seemed like a good thing that we did it now - weather's good, if chilly; I needed the break from the obscene amounts of overtime I've been doing at work; and Grandad told my mom he'd had a pacemaker put in a few weeks ago (of course, he only told her two weeks after the procedure was done). We get to the hotel, everything's fine, and we go visit Grandad yesterday afternoon.

Oh my god.

He's skin and bones. You hug him, you can feel every knob and dip in his spine, which is hunched over alarmingly. He's curling to one side due to taking Prednezone for too long. He used to stride through a room; now he takes tiny shuffling steps everywhere. His face is like a skull, and he's so exhausted from meds and loss of muscle strength and physical therapy that he falls asleep every few minutes.

I honestly don't know if he's going to make it through the rest of the year.

That terrifies me. My dad was only in my life for a short time - it's always been my Grandaddy I've looked up to, tried to make proud of me... he's always been larger than life to me, like Superman, and now... I know mom is feeling even more scared - I mean, he's my grandad, but he's her daddy... I wanna cry my eyes out, but I can't, cause god knows my mom can't be the strong one. When he does pass, she's gonna be... god, I don't even want to think of how big a mess she'll be. She has lots of depression already from having a chronic pain condition and offending people so they don't want to talk to her - she still tears up over my grandmother's death, and that happened when I was, like, 10. Losing grandaddy might break her, and now we've come here and it looks like that's going to happen WAY faster than any of us anticipated...

My sisters want me to take a ton of pictures while we're here. How can I? How can I show him how frail he is?

I wish I could go home and cry on Pat's shoulder - he'd get it. I wish he could have come with us. This would be... well, I don't know if anything could make this easier, but I could be stronger if he was here holding my hand.

I don't know what to do.

So Excited!!
surfin teh webs
narwahlz

Like I have to point out our favorite holiday is coming up. ;D

I have a suggestion for a "group event" - last year, I picked up a small white christmas tree with the plan to repurpose it as a Halloween tree. I'm so taken with the idea, I'd like to know if anyone else is doing something similar? Maybe we could post pictures or do an ornament swap or something. Anyone else interested?

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tags:

When am I gonna learn?
surfin teh webs
narwahlz

So, it's 5am, and I'm chilling in my kitchen waiting for my allergy meds to kick in. Again. Why? Because apparently I can't seem to remember that staying up for almost 24 hours and doing major cleaning, then playing in a greenhouse full of flowering, pollen-filled plants is not really a good idea. Nature decided to teach me a lesson and kicked my sinuses in the proverbial junk.

You know what? It's worth sitting here and waiting for the right half of my face to stop swelling, cause I've been able to hang with my Aunt Nona all week! She's helped me reorganize my place, and made it look really beautiful while I was sleeping - plus, she's been a huge emotional boost that I never knew I needed! I've been able to go over my fears about my mom and how worried I am about what will happen when my grandfather passes away (which I know is going to be in the next 3 years), and I've watched her tell my mom a lot of the things I want/need to say, but can't. Plus, it's weird, but not many people tell me that I deserve to have nice things, or that it's okay to take me time (EVERYONE tells me I need to say "no" to mom more often, but that's nothing new). For example - I have a little outdoor porch that I haven't done anything with; it's just a place for Pat to go smoke, so it's been barren and very boring. Nona got a bunch of little items to decorate it, and a lot of plants and herbs, and now it's a beautiful outdoor room! I protested, cause I felt guilty that she seemed to tweak out about how my place looked, and how she shouldn't be working so hard; she's supposed to be on vacation, after all. Do you know what she said? She told me that I spend so much time helping out my family, spoiling them and not really doing anything for myself, and that I deserved it - that my sisters have nice things done for them all the time, and for once I should let myself have the same. I don't know if I completely agree with that, cause I feel so lucky to have the life that I do, but it is kinda nice to be pampered a bit. And thanks to her help, I've got my little apartment looking like a real grown-up's home, not a messy college kids. I won't feel embarrassed to have people over now!

Two more days at work, then I'm finally on my first real vacation in a long time - Pat and I are meeting our buddy Ernie in Cincinnati and going to see Les Miserables! SO. EXCITED. We'll be spending 2 nights in a really nice hotel, then traveling to visit friends and family. The nicest thing is, thanks to how my schedule works out, I'll be off for a whole week and only had to use 3 days of vacation! I'm going to do at least 1 ADIML, so I'll have a metric crap-ton of pictures that I'll post later.

Ahh. I can finally breathe again! I'm off to bed to try to catch a few more hours of sleep. I hope everyone else has a great day - remember to breathe; life usually isn't as drama-filled as you think it is.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tags:

A prize better than any lotto...
surfin teh webs
narwahlz

Joey's gonna be ok. He'll be in the hospital a few days, then he can come back home.

Who needs money when you know your best friend can dodge a metaphorical bullet?!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tags:

Holy crap!
surfin teh webs
narwahlz

Most of you guys don't know him, but my best friend Joey is being rushed to the hospital, and I'm stuck here! His wife will let me know what happened, but until then, can everyone send some good vibes his way? I'm seriously worried.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tags:

Hello? Is it me you're looking for? ...Oh, sorry - didn't realize you were sleeping.
silly
narwahlz
Yeah, even after about 6 months or so, it's still weird being on the night shift. I only get a few hours out with friends and family - and that's if I get up really early, and I get almost no time with my niece. I can see her when I'm out with Panda or if I'm at Emily's and she's babysitting. I'd love to take Evelyn for a day/afternoon, but it looks like that's not happening until it gets warmer. Oh well - at least I'll have the pool! Mwuah-haha!!!

...Okay, I just can't stay all whiny and broody. Since I can't change it at the moment, I will put it aside until I can. Until then, I will focus on the positive side of zero social life - plenty of time for my craft projects!!! ...Quit laughing, you poopyfaces. xp

If you follow me on Facebook, you've seen the return of the minis I've been painting - if not, I'll explain. ... No, will take too long. Let me sum up. There's these little figurines made of metal or plastic, used in strategy games or in tabletop role playing games. They often come un-assembled, and almost never painted - and the detail on them is so fine that most people don't bother even trying. I happen to have a talent for painting these little darlings, and I've arrainged a deal with Kevin (a friend of my BIL's who runs Deriums Collectible Card Games). I paint his minis for a really reduced price, and he shows off my work and lets people know I'll be at his game store on Tuesdays. Then I get more commissions, which means more money, etc. He thinks I should start a painting guild, but I need to remember how to ride a bike before I participate in a triathlon (so to speak).

I've also finally gotten a mold to create a landscape piece for my sister Emily - she has a whole "army" of egyptian skeletons, and wanted something extra to show it off when she plays. So I got the mold and supplies for a temple ruin, and I'm making that this week for her. It will be SO AWESOME.

Another project I'm going to start is to make some felt baby toys. My baby sis knows a woman who runs a version of Once Upon a Child, a used children's clothing store - my baby sis makes cute hair bows for her dogs, and the woman asked if she could make them for babies and sell them in her shop. So she's making headbands, and asked if I could make toys (since she really liked the bacon I made for my niece for Christmas). So I'll be making more bacon, and some other things as soon as I can get more felt. I could make teddy bears and such, but I want to make something a bit more strange. Must think. Must plot. Hmmm.... I'd welcome any suggestions, by the way. If it's well-received, I'll send you a stuffy of your very own.

*sighs* Guess I need to wrap this up and get back to work - the full-time job, that is. Oh well. I should have plans and pics up here soon, and I'll be cross-posting to my craft groups also. Yay! I'm a nerd / little old lady!!

Noes!!! DB
surfin teh webs
narwahlz

My sweet-ass headphones committed suicide!


NOT cool! T^T Now I'm going to be mocked even more for my playlists of show tunes and Bollywood! ...I'm a sad monkey...

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tags:

You are viewing narwahlz